The Secret Diary of Porthos
by Daughters of Gondor
Summary: The thoughts of Captain Archer's dog. Warning: A lot of implied mm and mf. Some implied ff.


Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters.   
  
A/N: Is not meant to be taken seriously. We were both sleep deprived and we come up with ridiculous stuff when we need sleep.  
  
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DAY 1  
  
These people are idiots.  
  
DAY 5  
  
These people are idiots.  
  
DAY 8  
  
These people are still idiots.  
  
DAY 10  
  
Is that cheese?  
  
(later) Wasn't cheese. Not sure what it was.  
  
(later still) Really wasn't cheese. Left big mess on floor.  
  
(even later) Master not happy with mess I made.  
  
DAY 14  
  
Master seems angry. Kicking things around muttering about 'that damn cocky engineer'.  
  
DAY 20  
  
Thought master was mad at engineer. Although mouth and tongue action didn't indicate anger…didn't smell like anger either.  
  
DAY 21  
  
Just dawned on me…aren't master and Trip both male?  
  
DAY 25  
  
Pointy eared lady visited master today. Said she wanted to 'be involved'. Am most confused.   
  
Snuck some cheese today. Made me sick. Left surprise in masters bed. Master was mad. Not my fault really. Very hard to find trees in large flying thing.  
  
DAY 30  
  
Trip and T'Pol using master's room today. Caught by master. To my surprise master wasn't mad…he joined them.  
  
Freaky humans. Wonder if that's what 'senior staff meeting' means.  
  
DAY 33  
  
Went for walk around large flying thing today with master. Am depressed that there are no trees anywhere. Master ditched me to have 'staff meeting' with Trip in storage closet. Decided to go back to master's quarters without him.  
  
Is that T'Pol under the sheets?  
  
DAY 37  
  
Do these people ever work?  
  
DAY 40  
  
Does nimpho mean anything to master and Trip? And aren't they the two highest ranking humans on large flying thing? And why does T'Pol always join them?  
  
DAY 41  
  
OK, T'Pol claims to be doing scientific experiments.   
  
DAY 42  
  
Number of senior staff meetings getting extensive.  
  
DAY 43  
  
Who is T'Pol kidding? She just likes being with two males … and still being the strongest.   
  
DAY 44  
  
Did T'Pol just ask for chains and whips?!  
  
How can the rest of the crew not be hearing this?!  
  
DAY 49  
  
Was walking around large flying thing today … no one noticed I left.  
  
Stuffy british guy was grumbling about 'all the extra attention' being given to Trip and T'Pol.  
  
Someone's jealous.  
  
DAY 51  
  
Don't tell me Malcolm just joined in?!  
  
Cause if I'm not mistaken there were four people in the bed today … not three.  
  
T'Pol must really be enjoying herself.  
  
(later) Yep, it was Malcolm.  
  
Is that my water dish they're using?! The nerve!  
  
DAY 56  
  
Are all humans stuck in a permanent mating cycle?!  
  
Geez, even I have more control then this.  
  
DAY 57  
  
Senior staff number has been updated once again.  
  
Hoshi came in and suggested 'helping with communication'.  
  
Men were all for it.  
  
T'Pol wasn't.  
  
Hmm, wonder who likes to wear the pants in this group.  
  
DAY 58  
  
T'Pol feeling much better about the whole 'senior staff'.  
  
Apparently adding another female has allowed them to get very … um … creative.  
  
I don't think my ears can take anymore.  
  
DAY 60  
  
Walked myself down to sickbay today.  
  
Have decided I need ear plugs.  
  
Doctor wouldn't listen.  
  
He just picked me up and brought me back to master's quarters.  
  
Some people are no help.  
  
  
  
DAY 64  
  
Doctor interrupted another 'staff meeting' today.  
  
Thought I was saved, but then proven wrong when the Doctor asked if he could watch.  
  
Grrrrrr…..  
  
DAY 65  
  
I'm beginning to think no ones on the bridge except Travis.  
  
And he can't do anything!  
  
DAY 67  
  
Was yelled at by master for interrupting another … yeah.  
  
All I wanted was some water and food.  
  
Some people are just so self-centered.  
  
DAY 70  
  
Little lights outside window not going by as fast.  
  
Am thinking that we are slowing down.  
  
Most likely because the entire senior staff is indisposed.  
  
DAY 72  
  
Doctor watched today.  
  
Am even sicker now than when I eat cheese.  
  
DAY 77  
  
Little lights have stopped completely. And damnit, I'm hungry!  
  
DAY 80  
  
Have decided to take it upon myself to command large flying thing.  
  
Master and rest of senior staff can't think with anything above their waists anyway.  
  
DAY 85  
  
Large flying thing working better under my command than ever before.  
  
Wonder how long it will take the 'senior staff' to notice.  
  
DAY 86  
  
Have proven that dogs are smarter than humans. Travis has been helping me move large flying thing (must find out what it is called) and he's dumber than the 'senior staff'.  
  
DAY 88  
  
Oh. It's called a starship. More specifically this one is called Enterprise.  
  
'Senior staff' hardly leave "their room" anymore.  
  
If master could only see me now. 


End file.
